Not My Life
by ToxicCosmos
Summary: Severus always knew something was desperately wrong with his life. No matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't be the person he was expected to be.  AU  Severus/Lily  language/sensitive topic   Written for candinoxrush's Body Switching Challenge at HPFF
1. The Switch

_Disclaimer: I don't own and am not affiliated with Harry Potter in any way other than as a fan._

Written for candinoxrush's Body Switching Challenge at HPFF.

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><p><strong>Chapter 1: The Switch<br>**

Severus sat himself under a tree, doing his best to shrink into it by hunching himself over his book and hoping his long hair would provide adequate enough protection from prying eyes. Today was too nice a day to be hiding out indoors, so he had opted to come out, despite the risk. He focused on his book,_ Moste Potente Potions_. He loved this book. His mother had given it to him as a birthday present when he had begun taking Advanced Potions. He cherished it. He had never attempted any of the potions within it as of yet, but it was still worth the read. Hopefully next term he could talk professor Slughorn into letting him try a few of them – with supervision, of course.

"Well if it isn't Snivellus." Startled, he stood, quickly shoving the book from his lap and into his bag in the process.

"H- hi James." He stuttered, holding his bag tightly to him.

"H- hi James." he mocked, laughing. "What have you got there?" He asked, motioning to Severus' bag.

"N- nothing. Just some books." He said, trying to nonchalantly push the bag behind him and out of view, but James had already grabbed it.

"What's this?" He asked, taking out his book. "_Moste Potente Potions_, eh?" He said, fumbling through it. "Nice, Slughorn let you borrow it?" He grinned.

"No, It's mine. Give it to me." Severus reached for it, but one of his lackey's restrained him.

"Must be important to him." The aristocratic-looking one holding him observed. James smiled.

"Is Sirius right, Snivellus? Is it important to you?" Severus said nothing, there was no right answer. "Come now, you can tell us." Still nothing.

"I think he's scared of you, James." The smaller one said.

"Of course he is, Remus." James laughed. He smiled, staring at Severus with a gleam in his eye. Severus shut his eyes and turned away, certain James would throw the book at him. But he didn't. Instead he heard a sickening rip.

"No!" he yelled, opening his eyes to the sight of several ripped-out pages lying on the floor. James laughed.

"Aw, James, that's not cool." Sirius shook his head, letting go of Severus who hurried to pick up the pages before they were taken by the wind.

"Yea, mate." Remus shook his head. James shrugged.

"Whatever." And threw the book into the lake. "It's just a book. Such whiners." He laughed.

"What are you guys doing?!" Came an angry voice.

Severus looked up, it was Lily. He sighed, this was so pathetic.

"Why are you guys picking on him?" She glared at Sirius and Remus, obvious disappointment on her face. "You guys too?"

"It wasn't _our_ idea." They shrugged. Severus stood up.

"Where are you going?" Lily asked, concerned.

"To get my book." He said, pointing to the lake.

"No." Lily said, putting a hand on his shoulder and turning to James. "_You_ go get his book."

"Right." James laughed. "Oi, Peter." He called.

"Yes?" came the small voice. Severus hadn't even noticed he was there.

"Go get Sniv-er-Severus' book." he ordered.

Peter seemed all too pleased to oblige.

"So, Lily." James said, running a hand through his hair. "What do you think about you coming with me to the Yule Ball next month?" He grinned.

"You have _got_ to be kidding me." She said in disbelief.

"I know, out of all the beautiful women at this school, I choose -"

"You're such an idiot." She said, laughing. "The answer is no."

"Oh come on, baby." He said, reaching an arm around her. Severus felt sick to his stomach. "You and I were_ made_ for each other."

"Not in a million years." She said, removing his arm and turning to Severus. "Come on, let's go."

Severus quietly obeyed as the water-soaked Peter handed him his book.

–

Severus sat alone in the Slytherin common room, trying not to feel so pathetic. It had taken him nearly an hour to get his book dry without damaging the text. He sighed. He hated being the constant object of their ridicule, but it didn't seem like there was anything he could do about it. Lily was always telling him that it would get better, that someday, it wouldn't be a big deal. He was certain it was true; one day he'd look back on all this and laugh, but he was also certain that _that_ day was a long ways off.

_Well, not necessarily._ He thought, though it wasn't comforting. He'd be seventeen soon and in this family – that had its own implications. He sighed. James and the others didn't know how good they had it. They were popular, good-looking, and had decent families who'd let them make their own decisions. _Well, most of them._ But Sirius still had everything else.

What did he have? No family but a father he hated, a house full of snobs who wanted nothing more than to get rid of everyone and everything that was different – trying to pull him along in the process, and no love life to speak of. He laughed, no form of happiness of _any_ kind. Well, that wasn't fair. He still had Lily, his first and only friend. Even so, they were just friends and he knew that's all they'd ever be. His life was a mess – a nightmare even – made worse by Potter and his lackeys. All he wanted was to get away – to escape the cruel hand he had been dealt. He might have done it, too – gone away – if he had had someone to go with. No, he was permanently trapped here – in this wretched house, in this small unappealing body, surrounded by these terrible people. If only there were such things as miracles...

"Severus." Came the mock gleeful greeting.

"Lucius." He started, clearly communicating his disdain.

"Ouch." He replied, putting his hand to his chest. "Can't you at least _pretend_ to be happy to see me?" Severus gave him a cold glare.

"I'm busy."

"Is that right?" He said, peering at the open book before him. "Learning to prepare potions whilst reading upside down?" He mused. Severus shut the book.

"What is it, Lucius?"

"Oh good, you have time." He replied gleefully, sitting next to him. "Well, you see, while I was taking my bath yesterday, I started thinking. I said_'Now Lucius, who is it that you haven't seen much of recently?_' Well, I thought about it long and hard, with the help of a certain Miss Gimble, mind you-" He grinned.

"Could you get to the point?"

"Oh, we did." He laughed. Severus glared at him. "Right." He cleared his throat. "Look, we're having another meeting soon. You should come."

"Lucius." Severus started. "We've already talked about this."

"Severus. Look. You're a very talented wizard, we could use someone like you on our side." Severus began to protest; Lucius raised a hand to stop him, standing. "It's us or them, Severus. I suggest you choose wisely." He left without further comment.

Severus sighed, looking back at his pile of books. _At least there's Potions,_ he thought. It was the only thing that worked the way it was supposed to. It had a sense of order, of right and wrong. Ingredients had specific, definable characteristics and reacted in certain ways with other ingredients. That was it. Once you understood that and the effect temperature and technique had on what you brewed, that was all there was to know. It just made sense.

Maybe that was it. Maybe that was all he'd ever really have that would have been his choice and he should just accept it. Solemnly he grabbed his book as he sat himself back down on the couch. _Moste Potente Potions_. He paused, an idea coming to him. Maybe potions was all he needed. Quickly he stood and gathered his things, running out the door and towards the Potions classroom.

–

"Do you really think this is such a good idea, James?" Sirius asked him as they hid behind a staircase.

"Of course it is." He remarked. "It's mine, isn't it?"

"I don't know," Remus chimed in, "we could get in a lot of trouble for this." He said. James couldn't believe his ears.

"Since when do you guys care if we get in trouble?" He asked, shocked. "Padfoot? Moony?"

"It's just -" Remus started. "It's pretty mean."

"Yea, James." Sirius added. "He doesn't even fight back – it's just not that fun any more. What's the use of messing with a guy who's not willing to play the game?"

"Maybe it's about Lily." Peter remarked.

"Shut up!" James scowled.

"Woah, mate," Sirius laughed, "I can't believe it,_ that's_ why we keep messing with him? Because you're jealous?!" Sirius laughed.

"You know she's not into him, right?" Remus pointed out. James rolled his eyes. Of course he knew that, but that wasn't the point.

"It's his fault she won't go out with me."

"No, mate, that would be you. You're the one who started teasing him." Sirius interrupted.

"How was I supposed to know they were friends?" He defended. "And now, that greasy-git - I don't even know what she sees in him. He's so damn pathetic. She sticks by him when she could have me. Me!" Remus laughed.

"And I thought Padfoot loved himself too much. You've gone off the deep end!"  
>"Oh shut it." James said. "If you're not going to help, then just leave." Sirius and Remus looked at each other.<p>

"Okay, mate. But I've got to tell you, you need to lay off before something bad happens." They stood, each grabbing Peter by an arm. "Come on kid, you're coming with us, too."  
>"But I want to help."<p>

"Nope, James has to do this one on his own."

_Cowards,_ James thought to himself as he stood from behind the staircase. It was getting late, but as usual, he figured Severus would be found in the Potions classroom._ Bastard._ He always seemed to do whatever he could to stay ahead of him in the class.

Cautiously he made his way, careful not to be spotted by anyone lest there be a witness. He had no intention of getting in trouble. Luckily he wasn't too far and when he arrived, he found the door ajar. Peering in he spotted Severus, turned away from him – no doubt bent over a cauldron.

"Okay, where did I put that paper?" He fished in his pockets, pulling out the small piece of parchment he had written the spell on. Steadying his arm, he pointed his wand at Severus' back.

–

Severus was captivated by the potion he was brewing. _I can't believe I didn't think of this before_, he laughed. If it worked right, it could solve a few of his problems. If it worked at all, it would change his body – he would grow, in height, in potential muscle mass. He didn't have to be a scraggly miserable nobody anymore. If he worked at it long enough, he might even figure out how to get rid of this god-awful nose and shallow cheeks. Anything that reminded him of... his father. Sure it wouldn't get him away from people like Lucius or make James and his gang leave him alone, but it _would_ give him a chance at being happy. And maybe, Lily... maybe he, they, _could_ get away from here. It still wasn't ready yet, but it was close. He dropped in another ingredient and began stirring.

The room had been deftly quiet all evening; so when he heard footsteps, he instinctively turned around.

"James?" He asked, raising his hands up in caution, stirring rod in hand.

"Time for payback." James smiled.

Severus didn't hear the words he uttered, but he did feel the jolt of pain that shot through him. He fell to his knees and doubled over in agony, his stomach churning terribly as he gripped his sides. He could feel his insides moving within him. All his muscles began to ache, pulling and distending. He cried out in pain as he heard what sounded like a crack of bone. He knew it had been his face. Again he heard the sickening sound, this time it was the joints of his legs and arms. What was going on?

He heard a cry from beside him. Glancing up he saw James on the floor, seemingly in as much pain as he. Apparently his spell had backfired. Serves him right. He thought briefly before crying out in pain again. Something snapped in his mind. He wasn't certain how, but he suddenly felt... different.

James looked up at him, horror on his face. _Can't take it, can you, coward?_ He thought bitterly. Then he watched, horrified, as James' face began to move, rearranging itself. His cheeks became shallow, his chin narrowed, his nose elongated and his hair... it grew longer and turned black. He was staring at... himself.

James' eyes grew wide in shock, his mouth open... Severus imagined the same look on his own face._ What? How?_ Was all he could think. For a long while they said nothing, staring at each other as the pain subsided. Cautiously, they stood, taking to slowly circling one another.

"What did you do?" Severus demanded, horrified by the sound of his own voice – it wasn't his. He turned, rushing to the nearest mirror. "Oh, no!" he exclaimed, "no, no, no." His reflection wasn't his either – it belonged to James.

"Ugh!" James yelled, throwing the mirror he had been looking at. "I can't believe this!" Severus turned to him.

"What. Did. You. Do?!" He seethed.

"No!" James exclaimed. "_I_ didn't do this. This isn't what was supposed to happen!"

"Oh, no?" Severus asked. "I don't know about you, but _I_ sure as hell didn't take a Polyjuice Potion, did you?" James shook his head. "It was rhetorical, moron!" he growled, "You're the one who pointed your wand at me, what did you do?!"

James snarled, an odd thing for Severus to witness from his own body.

"It was supposed to switch you with a rat or a ferret or something."

"Or something?" Severus couldn't believe it. "You don't even know what it was supposed to do?!"

"How do you know it was me?" James turned. "What were you making there? This could be your fault!"

"That is none of your business, James. Besides, it couldn't possibly have..." Severus paused, his eyes growing wide.

"What?" James asked. "It _was_ you, wasn't it?" Severus sat in one of the chairs, hanging his head in his hands.

"It might have been both of us." He said, solemnly.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"Your spell and my potion. I was holding the stirring rod when you attacked me."

"I didn't attack you." James denied. Severus glared at him.

"Yea, right." He waved him off. "That hardly matters now."

James leaned his head back against the wall.

"I can't believe this." He said. Severus rolled his eyes in response.

"You're such an idiot."

"Excuse me?" James turned to him.

"You heard me! I'm so tired of all your crap. All you do is make my life one long nightmare, then you do this." He hung his head. "I'm tired of it."

"You had it coming to you." James sneered.

"For what?" Severus turned, angry. "I've never done anything to you!"

"You're here and you're a nuisance, that's reason enough." He replied, waving him off. "Now you need to figure out how to fix this."

"Me? Why me? It was your spell!"

James glared at him. Severus sighed, rubbing at his temples.

"Maybe we should talk to the Headmaster, I'm sure he can help us."

"Are you mad?" James exclaimed. "Do you know the trouble we could get in?"

"You mean, you. I did nothing wrong. Besides, I don't think I can fix this."

"Well you need to try." James urged.

"Why should I?" Severus asked. James was mad if he thought he would save his ass for him.

"Simple," he said, a calculating smile on his face, "you could spend some time as me. I'm sure you've always wanted to be popular... and handsome..." He smirked. "Now you can. If we go and tell the Headmaster, you can be sure the whole school will know and you'd just be an outcast again until they fix it. And then... well, then you'd just be you." Severus said nothing. Of course he was intrigued by the idea, but it just didn't seem right.

"Come on." James pleaded. "Give it a few weeks, if you can't fix it by then, we'll go to the Headmaster. How does that sound?" Severus hesitated, it seemed odd, but why shouldn't he agree? He could have some fun as James for a while.

"Okay, agreed."

"Great!" He said, looking at the time. "We're going to miss curfew if we don't head back."

Severus cleaned up his things before they headed out the door.

"Three weeks. That's it." he reminded James.

"Yea, no problem." He said. "Oh, wait. Give me your tie."

"By the way, what the hell has gotten into you?" He asked, giving Severus an odd look.

"What do you mean?"

"You've never talked to me like that before." He said, his eyes shining something akin to half-pride, half anger. He didn't like it.

"Well, you've never done this before." He said.

"I guess." James replied.

"Passwords?" Severus reminded.

"Right..."

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><p>Please R&amp;R! :] If you have any comments or suggestions, feel free to let me know! I'm always looking to improve my stories.<p> 


	2. Adjustment

_Disclaimer: I don't own and am not affiliated with Harry Potter in any way other than as a fan._

Written for candinoxrush's Body Switching Challenge at HPFF.

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><p><strong>Chapter 2: Adjustment<strong>

Severus had a hard time finding the common room and was now growing to suspect James had given him misleading directions... _At least the password was right,_ he thought bitterly to himself as he walked into the common room – and barely a minute before curfew. He looked around the room, surprised with how comfortable it seemed – judging by James and his cronies, he half expected something akin to a torture chamber.

"Oi." He heard. "Over here."

Turning he saw Sirius and Remus heading towards him. For a moment he felt a little panicked, forgetting whose face he wore.

"Cutting it a little close aren't we?" Sirius laughed. Severus half-smiled, wary. "So how'd it go?" Sirius whispered.

"What?" Severus asked.

"You know, with Snivellus. Did you do it?"

"Oh, right." He murmured. "I – no."

"Really?" Remus seemed thoroughly shocked.

"Yea..."

"Well good for you!" Sirius smiled, giving him a quick one-armed squeeze.

"Really?" Severus asked, surprised.

"Yea!" He replied. "Like I said, we should leave the kid be. He's not that much fun, anyway."

_That's certainly unexpected,_ he thought. He had been certain they all enjoyed torturing him. "Oh, yea." he muttered, catching a glimpse of brilliant red hair out of the corner of his eye. Turning his head he saw Lily, headed for the woman's dorms. "Uh, I'll talk to you guys later." He said, pulling himself away and walking towards Lily. Sirius and Remus just shook their heads.

"Lily, Lily!" he called. She turned to him, her face growing dark.

"What do you want?" She spat. Severus stopped, shocked.

_You're James, you idiot,_ he reminded himself. He was just so happy to see her, he had completely forgotten...

"Well?" She asked, obviously irritated.

Should he tell her? He couldn't stand to have her so angry with him._ Don't be stupid, she'd never believe you._

"No, James, I will_ not_ go out with you. Ever. Get over it and just leave me alone." She said, turning to leave.

"I just wanted to apologize." He said hurriedly. She stopped and turned to look at him, puzzled. Certainly James Potter had never apologized to anyone for anything. "For earlier. I was a jerk." He continued, solemnly. "I just wanted to tell you." She eyed him, unsure. "I- I'm going to go." He said, turning and leaving.

He sat himself on one of the couches. _You idiot,_ he chided himself, _Apologizing as James, what were you thinking?_ He sighed, placing his head in his hands.

"Struck out again, eh?" He heard as two forms sat on either side of him.

"You could say that."

"I'm telling you, mate, you've gotta let it go."

"How am I supposed to do that?" He asked, looking between Sirius and Remus.

"Accept that it's never gonna happen." Sirius stated, lying back and putting his hands behind his head. "You'll find another. Why get caught up on this one?"

"Because she's the one." He murmured, mostly to himself.

Sirius and Remus eyed each other.

"Really? How do you know?" Remus asked.

"I just do." They had said to accept that it wouldn't happen, and despite how much it hurt him, he knew it was true. He'd have to let her go.

–

James had been sitting in the Slytherin common room for all of ten minutes, and already he despised it. The colors were one thing, he could handle how drab they were. It was every one else he couldn't stand. He watched as they interacted with one another, heads held up high, eyes cold and calculating, smiles deceiving. They thought they were so much better than everyone else and he hated it.

Worst of all, no one seemed to pay any attention to him. It was like he was invisible. _Not you, Severus._ He had to remind himself, though it wasn't very comforting. _As far as everyone else is concerned, you _are_ Severus._ He sighed. If things had worked the way they should have, he would be back in the Gryffindor common room having a good laugh with Padfoot and Moony... not here, waiting for Snivellus to fix this mess.

_Well, at least the women here are attractive. _He thought, grinning. He stood, making his way towards one of the stunning brunettes he had noticed earlier - then he caught a glimpse of himself in a mirror. Long, scraggly black hair, a large hooked nose, a weak jaw and sunken cheeks._How am I supposed to get laid looking like this?_ He groaned.

"Well if it isn't my dear friend Severus." He heard. Turning, he was surprised at the sudden company.

"Lucius." He remarked.

"The one and only." He grinned. James didn't like him already.

"What do you want?" He asked with a tinge of malice in his voice. Lucius raised his hands in response.

"What kind of way is that to greet a friend?" He asked, the grin never leaving his face.

"I wasn't aware we were friends." He had always thought Severus had no friends besides Lily.

"Of course we are." He smiled. "We are Slytherins, are we not?" He asked, putting an arm around James. "We stick together." James didn't know what to say. "Now tell me, what are you up to?" He asked, looking around. Spotting the brunette he had been headed for, Lucius chuckled. "Ah, I see. Looking for some action are you?"

James glared at him. It was certainly none of_ his_ business.

"Oh, right... Lily." Lucius sighed. "I don't see why you keep wasting your time on her." He sighed. James couldn't help but scoff.

"What does Lily have to do with the brunette?" He asked, a grin on his face. He for one was tired of her games. She'd come around eventually, but for now...

Lucius smiled.

"That's the spirit!" He laughed. "Come, let me introduce you."

"Romana." Lucius called, dragging him along.

She turned to face them, a brilliant smile growing on her face when she spotted them.

"Oh, Lucius!" She said gleefully. "I was beginning to wonder when you'd come around." She grinned.

"Yea, sorry. I've been busy." He said._ Lied is more like it._ James thought. _Maybe he's not so bad afterall._

"I wanted to introduce you ladies to a good friend of mine." They looked at him, obviously not too impressed.

"Good friend, you say?" Romana asked.

"The best." Lucius assured. "He'll be seventeen soon... and, well, you know..."

What does that mean? James wondered, though, the girls seemed impressed.

"Oh, is that right?" One asked, smiling. Romana shot her a dark look, throwing a wink at James.

"It's a wonder I haven't seen you around before." She smiled, running a finger through his long hair.

"Oh you know how the Snape's are – all so quiet and reserved. They're rather picky by nature – have to look out for that family fortune, you know." He said. Romana grinned.

"Oh, I see." She said, pushing herself closer to him. "Don't worry cutie, you can trust little ol' me." She giggled.

"I'll be leaving you two then." Lucius said, grabbing one of the other girls by the hand. "And I will see you tomorrow night, Severus. He added.

"Tomorrow night?" James asked. Lucius leaned in and whispered in his ear.

"Edge of the Forbidden Forest. Ten o'clock. You owe me. Be there." James nodded as Romana pulled him away.

–

Severus sat at the Gryffindor table, surprised with how comfortable he felt amongst its company. He took a bite of his meal, watching the students around him interact with what seemed to be genuine interest in one another. It was a far cry from what he tended to experience at his own table. There the conversations were fake, each word uttered with double meaning and laced in deceptive overtones. He glanced at the Slytherin table. He didn't miss it at all.

"James, we're going to head out," Sirius said, pulling him from his thoughts. "Are you coming?" Sirius and Remus were each half standing, waiting for him to follow.  
>"No, actually, I have some work to do." He replied, gulping down his last bite.<p>

"Work? On a day like this?" Sirius touched the back of his hand to Severus' head. "Are you sick, mate?" he joked. Severus smiled, shaking his head.

"No, really, I'm just a little behind. I promise I'll catch up with you later."

"Ok, mate."

Remus shrugged.

"Don't spend all day 'studying'." He motioned in the air with his fingers. Sirius laughed.

Severus winked at him, figuring that was the proper response. The two laughed, getting up to leave. When they were gone, Severus stood, intending to head for the potions room before the next class began.

Walking down the corridor, he found himself in an almost happy mood. He didn't know why, but he felt much more comfortable in this body than he ever had in his own. Well, technically, this _was_ his body, it just looked different – but even so, he preferred it. It wasn't just his looks, it was everything and everyone around him. It was the people and the atmosphere. He briefly wondered if James knew how lucky he was to live this life... and what he'd do when it came time to give it up.

–

James pulled his cloak tight around him as he walked through the frigid night's air. It was nearly ten and, as usual, he was a bit late. It had been difficult to pull himself from the warmth of Romana's bed, but he _had_ promised Lucius he'd come. He laughed, as if a promise could actually bring him out here in the dead of night. No, he was here because he was curious. It was nearly after curfew and yet a group of Slytherns were determined to meet. Why? For what reason? He had to know. If nothing else, maybe he'd get enough to get them all in trouble when he regained his body.

"Hey," he heard. To his left he saw Lucius walk out from the shadows of a tree, "It's about time." He said. "I was beginning to think you wouldn't come."

"I _did_ promise." He said with a grin. Lucius grinned in turn.

"Come along, the meeting is about to start."

"Meeting?" He inquired. Lucius laughed.

"Yes, you know, the ones you've been avoiding for months. Now quiet down."

James said nothing, silently resenting his being told to be quiet. No one told him what to do. But he was curious and thought it best to just follow along, at least for now.  
>They walked for several minutes, deeper into the Forbidden Forest. The trees grew thicker and thicker as the light became dimmer. Finally a dim source of light could be seen up ahead. It was far enough away still that he couldn't quite make anything out, though he did spot several figures. Lucius pulled up his hood, signaling for James to do the same.<p>

When they reached the group, James counted ten other students in attendance. They too had their hoods up, leaving only their mouths and chins to be seen.

Lucius walked towards the center of the group, lifting his hands to silence the quiet murmurings.

"I'm sure you all know why we're here." He began. The others murmured their acknowledgment. "Many of us are on the verge of coming to an age where we too will join our older and kindred spirits in the fight for our survival." The crowd seemed to delight in his words. James didn't understand.

"Fight for our survival?" He asked. "What are you talking about?"

"What are we talking about?!" One of the figures blurted out. "Are you mad? Have you been living under a rock?!" Her voice was shrill. Lucius stepped forward.

"Come now, Bella, dear." He appealed. "Don't be so condescending, we're all family here. It is our job to enlighten." The woman crossed her arms but conceded.

"It's quite simple." Lucius began. "We are wizards and witches; the most powerful beings on this planet. And yet, we hide ourselves, who we are, from muggles."

"We have to," James interrupted, "they can't understand our ability, the would overreact in fear."

"Precisely." Lucius continued. "We have been hiding ourselves from them since the late 1400's. But why? Why should we be forced to hide like vermin? To quell their fragile minds?" Lucius shook his head. "No. We have hidden for too long. _We_ are more powerful. _We_ should live freely and openly on this planet. It should be them that hides from us."

James understood what he was trying to say; they were more powerful. "But what does that have to do with our survival? Muggles pose no threat to us."

"True. But what of the ones who infiltrate our society?" He asked.

"Infiltrate? How? Not possible." He must be mad. A muggle, infiltrate the wizarding world? Laughable.

"Not possible?" The hooded figures laughed, Lucius shook his head. "But they already have. They live in our homes, walk our streets, attend our schools."

"Hogwarts?"

"Oh yes. We have plenty of those filthy mudbloods here."

"Oh." James had heard such terms, though he himself had never paid much attention to them.

"Yes, oh." The woman jumped in. "This is the problem. Our kind thinks nothing of copulating with those filthy, small-minded creatures. And for what? Their children have less of a chance of being magical." She sighed, "Squibs." She said with a mix of disgust and pity. "Who could deny their offspring their rightful heritage? It's barbaric and disgusting!"

"Generation after generation," Lucius cut in, "eventually there won't be any of us left. They are bringing us to extinction!"

James had never thought of it that way. But still...

"We cannot stand for it any longer." Lucius added, turning to the group. "We have to protect the future of our kind."

"What do you propose we do? If this is really such a problem." James asked. Lucius turned back to him, a grin on his face.

"We are here, that is the first step. We must continue to recruit more of our kind. When we do, and when we come of age, then we can join the movement that has already begun."

"What movement?"

"We cannot say much of it, but many of the more enlightened adults have joined together, to find a way to rid ourselves of the scum that infiltrates our society. Only when that is done can we bring ourselves into the light of the world."

"Why seventeen?" He asked. "Are you not strong enough as you are?"

"Of course we are. But as minors, we can be tracked by the ministry."

"Is that really a problem?"

Lucius laughed.

"The ministry is corrupt – a corruption brought to us by the single-minded mentality of the muggle-bred, bringing their tainted thinking to our government. Their main interest is money and power. The filth help give them both, why would they go against that?"

"I see..." James replied. He still wasn't sure.

"Right." Lucius concluded, turning to the crowd, "It is getting late. Remember what I said, keep your eyes open and we'll meet back here in a few weeks."

The group cleared out little by little, assumingly to avoid suspicion. James sat as he waited for their turn to leave, thinking about all that had been said. It was a troubling notion. Perhaps he had misjudged Severus.

"I'm glad you made it this time." Lucius said, sitting himself on the log beside James. "I was beginning to think you'd never come around."

"I really haven't come to any of them?" He asked without thinking. Lucius laughed.  
>"Well, ok, I guess you did come to the first, but after that..." He trailed off.<p>

"Right." James said, relieved his question hadn't become awkward. "Look, about recruitment."

"Oh, have someone in mind?" Lucius asked eagerly.

"Yes." He said. "What about James Potter?" He wouldn't be in this body long, and well, he wanted to learn more.

"Potter?" Lucius asked, surprised. "No, no." He laughed.

"Why not?" He asked. "He's a Pureblood, you know, and I really think he'd..."

"No." Lucius interrupted. "His family are nobodys and they're sympathizers. Isn't his aunt married to a muggle?"

"Well, yes... but James is different..." He pressed.

"No. He's not right for us. You know how Gryffindor's are. They'll go noble on you before long."

"But this is noble." He wasn't actually sure of that yet, but he couldn't lose this chance.

"It is – but not to them. That's final, Severus." James sighed.

"So why me?" He asked. "I'm a half-blood you know." Lucius shushed him.

"Yes, it's a terrible thing for your mother to have done to you." He sighed. "Look, you're practically family, Severus, you understand our values. You understand how terribly they are to our society, how fearful they can be – with your father..." He trailed off. "That's all that matters, Severus. Come on, let's get going – we don't want to be too late."

* * *

><p>Please R&amp;R! :] If you have any comments or suggestions, feel free to let me know! I'm always looking to improve my stories.<p> 


	3. Acceptance or Denial

_Disclaimer: I don't own and am not affiliated with Harry Potter in any way other than as a fan._

Written for candinoxrush's Body Switching Challenge at HPFF.

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><p><strong>Chapter 3: Acceptance or Denial<strong>

Severus was hunched over on the floor, groaning in pain as his body contorted itself. He could hear each bone as it moved, a sickening crack accompanying each jolt of pain. Finally, he lay motionlessly on the floor as the pain began to subside. _Severus, Severus, Severus, _he chided himself. After a few more moments, he was able to slowly stand, pulling himself up with the help of the table. He sighed as he held himself up on his arms, staring down at the murky gray substance in the cauldron. This wasn't working. It had gone so well at first, he had been himself for several minutes before reverting back. What could have gone wrong? He slammed his fist on the table's surface out of frustration. How was he supposed to fix something he barely understood?

At first he thought it would be simple, all he needed to do was change his appearance, surely it was like a Polyjuice potion, only permanent. But no matter how many times Severus tried, he just couldn't get it to stick. He had brewed several variations of what he thought would work and each day this past week, he had tried a new one – none had gone well.

Severus looked back at the cauldron before him. This had been the last one. Several weeks of work – all for naught. Now he wasn't sure what to do. He sighed, putting his forehead to the cold surface of the table. It was soothing.

"No luck yet, eh?" He heard from behind him.

"No, Potter, no luck yet," he murmured in frustration. "You know, you're more than welcome to help me out. You may not be that great with spells, but I know you're much better with potions."

"Yeah..." James started, "maybe some other time."

Severus sighed heavily, turning to look at him, determined to get him to help out. When he saw him, he stopped, surprise coloring his face. James looked...different.

"Do you like?" James smiled, opening his arms and turning around for Severus to take a good look at him. "To think all you needed was a good wash, some nice clothes and a modest haircut," he laughed.

Severus didn't know what to say. A mixture of approval and resentment filling him. He certainly did look more...pleasant than before. His hair was shorter than he had kept it – or did it just seemed that way? He wasn't sure, but it was better kept and accentuated his sharp features. It was funny how that was the thing about himself he had always hated most, but now, it didn't look so bad – even the large nose was somehow fitting. The clothes he wore were no doubt expensive and they fit him well, making him look rich...cultured. "Where..." he began.

"Lucius," James replied. "At least until I can get some clothes of my own."

Severus's eyes narrowed slightly. It was typical of Lucius to throw his weight in money, around. "So instead of helping me out here, you spend your time like this?" Severus was more than a little annoyed. A few weeks in his body and James had done what he himself had seemed incapable of. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're not too eager to get back to your old self."

"Don't be ridiculous," James said. "Of course I am. It's just, if I have to walk around looking like you, I'd rather not _look_like you," he laughed.

Severus didn't find it funny.

"Look. I'll help you out some other time. Right now, I'm just a little busy." James said, seemingly annoyed. "I've got a date to get to."

"A what?" Severus asked, sighing as he sat himself in a chair. "Let me guess; it's Romana, isn't it?" _Damn that Lucius,_ he thought bitterly to himself.

"No, not her," James said.

"Good." It was bad enough Lucius had already started rubbing off in the clothing department.

"I had her last night..."

Severus groaned, rubbing desperately at his temples.

"I have to admit, I was a little unsure about seeing you...well, naked, but I have to say, I'm rather impressed."

"Okay, I get it," Severus scowled.

James laughed. "But come on, how could you let something like Romana go? I mean, have you seen her?"

"That's none of your business, James."

"Oh, right...Lily..." James rolled his eyes.

Severus glared at him.

"Don't worry, mate, I'm not interested in her anymore. She's all yours. I've got a better selection to pick from."

"You're a pig," Severus spat.

"No, sir," James smiled, "_you_ are the pig." He winked before turning and leaving.

Severus dropped his head to the desk again. Why did he get the feeling James Potter would be the death of him?

–

Severus made his way through the courtyard, finally feeling somewhat better after the other night with James. He knew he shouldn't have been as angry as he was with him, but he also knew that James had succeeded where he had not. It was frustrating to say the least. If he had been as successful, he wouldn't have needed to try and brew an appearance-changing potion and he nor James would even be in this mess. Was it his fault? No, he knew that. James was the one who foolishly used spells without knowing what they were. No. James was the fool – and yet – he always seemed to be the one to come out on top. It was hardly fair.

"Mm, James," came a crooning voice. He turned, coming face to face with a beautiful, blonde woman with clear blue eyes. She bit her lip as she regarded him, gliding a finger around his ear. "It's nice to see you again," she whispered, looking him up and down with a grin on her face.

"Hi" he murmured. He never thought it possible, but he was growing tired of all the women who came fawning over him – over James.

She watched him for a moment, her eyes suddenly growing cold. "I can't believe this," she said, pushing away from him and setting her hands to her hips. "You don't remember me, do you?" she asked.

"I-" he murmured, surprised at her outburst.

"Wow," She cried angrily. "What? Was I not special enough for you? I thought you had a great time."

Severus was dumbstruck. "I -It wasn't me," he tried.

"Ugh!" The girl yelled, disgusted as she turned to walk away. "I wasn't _that_ drunk." she mumbled as she walked off. "Jerk."

_Wow, _Severus thought. Yeah, this was definitely getting old. He sighed; what he needed was some peace, some time to himself. Decidedly, he headed towards his usual spot, doing his best to avoid eye contact with all the women he passed lest they turn out to be one of James's exes or flings. Not many people wandered to that side of the lake. There were too many trees and less sunlight. The only people that really knew about it were him, Lily, and well, James and his friends, though they only ever came by to tease him.

Severus stopped suddenly as he heard an unusual sound. It was hard to make out, but it was coming from his spot. He walked slowly, listening – it sounded like crying. Puzzled he peered around the trunk of the tree. It was Lily.

"Lily?" he asked, "What's wrong?" His voice full of concern.

She turned, startled, "Oh, it's you," she said, quickly wiping at her eyes. "If you're looking for Severus -" she paused. "that jerk – he isn't here."

"Jerk?" he asked, kneeling beside her. _What did that bastard do?_ His eyes grew dark. "What did he do?"

She looked at him, puzzled. "Why do you care?"

"Please, tell me," he pleaded, wrapping an arm around her.

Lily's tears started to fall again. "I don't know what's gotten into him. He's changed," she sobbed.

"Did he say something?" Severus asked. "Maybe he's just under a lot of stress or something?" He'd be damned if he wasn't going to try and fix this mess.

Lily shook her head. "He's never been like that with me."

"He didn't touch you, did he?" _I'll kill him._

"No, no. It was nothing like that." Severus waited, but Lily started to cry once again. "He called me a- a _mudblood_. Said I didn't deserve a wand and that I wasn't worth his time."

"He what?" Severus couldn't believe his ears. Who did that bastard think he was? How dare he act that way with her – with _his_ body no less. Severus was furious, he could barely think straight. "I'll kill him." he muttered, standing.

Lily stood after him. "What? No, please James." She took a deep breath. "I should have known better."

"What do you mean? This isn't your fault." he assured her, running his fingers through the wet hair that clung around her face. "Don't think like that."

She shook her head. "I know it must be difficult for him. With his family and friends... I was foolish to think we could remain friends through it all. This was bound to happen eventually. I just-" her voice hitched painfully to his ears. "I just couldn't bare to tear myself away sooner. I've always cared about him. So much it hurt to see him in his predicament. I guess I always hoped..."

"Hoped what?" he asked.

Lily looked up at him, her eyes full of emotion, of hurt and longing. He understood.

Severus shook his head. All this time, she had known. About his family, the pressure he was under. She distanced her feelings for him, all to prepare herself for this _inevitability_. "I'm so sorry," he said, holding her.

She let him. "It's not your fault," she muttered into his shoulder.

He shook his head, "but it is."

"What do you mean?" she asked, pulling back to look him in the eye.

Severus took a deep breath. He couldn't lie to her now, not when she thought he hated her. "_I_ am Severus." he said, holding her by the shoulders and knowing he sounded mad.

"What?"

"I am. I know you don't believe me, but I am," Severus said hurriedly, hoping the more he said, the more she'd understand. "James and I switched bodies. Not on purpose, but we've been like this for the past few weeks."

Lily stared at him. "That's not funny, James," she said, pushing away his arms and turning away. "Just when I think you've changed -" she muttered, grabbing her things and stomping off.

"No, really," he begged, walking after her. _How to make her believe me?_ "When you were eight," he called after her, "your parents took you to Paris. You got lost in the Louvre and, for several hours, you hid behind the statue of the Winged Victory of Samothrace." Lily stopped, turning to face him. "You said that even though her head and arms were gone, she made you feel safe – like she was your guardian angel."

"How do you know that?" she asked, unsure.

"Because you told me, Lily, you told me," he took her hands, pulling them gently to his chest. "_I'm_ Severus."

Lily's eyes searched his. "It _is_ you," she finally murmured, hugging him. "I thought I lost you."

Severus held her tight. To hear her say that – he never knew.

She pulled back, looking him over. "How did this happen? A Polyjuice Potion gone wrong?"

"I wish. At least _that_ I could probably fix," Severus sighed. "I was mixing a potion when James hit me with a spell. It backfired and hit him too. Next thing I know, I'm watching James turn into me and I'm-" he raised his arms to draw attention to himself, "I'm him."

"What did Dumbledore say? Is he working on it?"

Severus scratched the back of his head. "Well-"

"You haven't told him?"

"Well, no, not yet."

"Severus," she whined, "why not?"

"James didn't want to get in trouble."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Figures. But what about you? How'd he get you to play along?" She raised a brow at him.

Severus sighed. "Okay... I thought it would be nice to see what it was like to be James for a while. At least until I could brew a potion to fix this. I know, it's pathetic."

Lily shook her head. "Don't be silly. How's the potion coming along?"

"I tried it the other night, it didn't work. It takes almost a month to brew and, with the modifications I have to make to try and get it to work..." he sighed, shaking his head.

Lily frowned, her face growing worried. "What about James? I know he hasn't been the most pleasant person, but what happened earlier – this still isn't him."

Severus knew she was right. "I should have warned him about Lucius and his damned elitist ideals. I should have known he'd fall for it."

"Maybe it's time you and he go see Dumbledore," Lily suggested, her hand on his arm.

Severus stared at it, nodding. "Come with me?"

"Of course."

–

James sat with his new friends, a woman on each arm. He couldn't believe all he had been missing. All these years, stuck in the House of Idiots when he could have been here, with people who actually understood him. They regarded him with the respect and pride he so rightly deserved.

Sure, what they saw when they looked at him was Severus, but that didn't matter. He was a far better Severus than that twerp had ever been. To reject all of this – and for a mudblood no less – it made him sick. Severus didn't deserve this life. No. This life belonged to him.

"Oi, Severus," Lucius interrupted.

"Hmm?" He asked, not tearing his lips from the blonde on his left.

"You've got company downstairs."

"What?" James asked, finally looking at Lucius.

"James Potter?"

James groaned. He always had terrible timing. Standing, he headed downstairs.

–

"James," Severus whispered when he arrived.

"What is it?" James asked, irritated. "You interrupted an interesting session there. Twins," he smiled. He spotted Lily and it faltered. "What's she doing here?"

"James, this is serious. We've waited long enough. We need to fix this."

"Fix this?" James exclaimed. "Why? I'm enjoying myself, aren't you?"

"What?" Severus couldn't believe it. "Don't you want to be yourself again?"

"Why should I?" He asked. "You've got a great life here, Severus. I don't see how you could have been so eager to give it up and for a mudblood." James laughed.

Severus seethed. "Don't you dare call her that!" Severus growled. "You don't understand what you're getting yourself – or I should say _me _into – Potter. You're playing with fire and with _my_ life. I will _not_ have it."

James eyes turned to Severus. "I understand enough. And don't worry about this life you so desperately despise. You were never worthy of it anyway, Half-blood." he spat.

Severus grabbed him by the collar, pushing him hard against the wall. "Watch it, Potter," he hissed.

"You don't get it, do you?" James grinned. "This life was never meant for you, you were never really worthy of it. _That's_why you could never accept it. This has always been for _me_, not you – Potter. This was destined to happen. If it were a simple matter of potions and spells gone awry, you would have found a cure by now."

Severus was shocked. "You've gone mad, James."

"On the contrary, for the first time in my life, I can finally see," he said, pushing Severus off him. "And don't call me James. That's not my name anymore." He walked away, leaving Severus and Lily looking after him in horror.

–

Severus and Lily arrived unannounced and alone outside Dumbledore's office.

"Should we really do this?" Severus asked Lily. "Could I really go back to that life James has left to me? Back to the worry and fear?"

She held his hand. "Whatever you choose, Severus, I won't leave you again."

Lily smiled at her, thankful. With her hand in his Severus pushed open the door.

They walked in, expecting Dumbledore to be at his desk, expecting them – but it was empty. _That's odd, _he thought. Dumbledore usually knew when someone was coming.

"It's not that odd," he heard. Startled, they both jumped at the sound. When they looked around, they saw no one. "Over here," the voice said.

Sitting on the Headmaster's desk was the Sorting Hat. "Hi?" Severus murmured, confused.

The Hat chuckled. "Well if it isn't Mister Snape. It's about time. Seven years – I was beginning to think I'd never see you again."

"Did he just call you-" Lily murmured.

"Yes," the Hat interrupted. "I know who you are."

"How?" Severus asked.

"Well," it started. "It's all sort of my fault." It said.

"What?" Lily and Severus exclaimed in unison.

"What do you mean it's your fault?" Severus asked.

"If you'll both have a seat, please." Severus and Lily obeyed, sitting themselves in front of the desk. "Thank you. Now," it cleared its throat. "I knew this would happen – I just, made it easier for you. You see, when I sorted you and James, I put you in the wrong houses."

"What does that have to do with-" Severus began.

"How could you do that?" Lily couldn't help but exclaim.

"How could I not?" The Sorting Hat reasoned. "Severus's family has always been in Slytherin – the same with James's family and Gryffindor. Severus, what would have happened if I had put you in Gryffindor, where you belonged? How would your family have taken it?"

"Wait, I was supposed to be in Gryffindor?"

"You are a good man, Severus, meant to do wonderful things. And James... well, James is quite another matter altogether." The Hat sighed. "You see, you two are an anomaly. Born at the right time, but in the wrong places. It had to be fixed. Whether by one of us or by the cosmos themselves, it was going to be fixed. I did what I had to in order to make it easier for you when it did."

"I don't understand," Severus began. "I was supposed to have a life like James and James like me?" It sounded ridiculous.

"You were supposed to _be_ James. That was your destiny. Tell me, have you not always felt like something was wrong? Like you didn't belong? Like you were...living someone else's life?"

Severus didn't know what to say. It was true. He had always felt out of place, always; since he was a child. The only right thing in his life had been Lily. "Well... yes..." Severus finally admitted.

"This is why," the Sorting Hat concluded.

Severus sat for a long while, his mind numb. "Then, James was right," he muttered. "That life was never meant for me."

The Sorting Hat smiled, "correct. I assume James has accepted it?"

"Wholeheartedly."

"Good," it nodded – as only a hat can.

"Good?" It was Lily. "How can you say that? The influence he's under now... Lucius... all those terrible ideas... How can you be okay with putting him in that position?"

"I'm afraid it was the part he was always meant to play, Miss Evans," they heard solemnly from behind them. They turned. It was Dumbledore.

"You knew about this?" Severus asked.

"Of course," he stated, sitting at his desk.

"How can you condone it?" Lily protested. "James is so much better than that."

"Yes, Miss Evans, you're right," Dumbldore agreed. "One day, he'll understand that."

"And meanwhile?" She demanded to know.

"Meanwhile, I will be here for him," Dumbldore said calmly. "It is all I can do, his path was always set for him, it was only a matter of when, not if."

Severus knew that Lily still wasn't happy. But he also knew that Dumbledore wouldn't lie to them. He squeezed her hand in support. "So I will have to stay this way?" It was more of a statement than a question.

"I'm afraid there is no way to change you back. The accident that did this to you wasn't as serious as it seemed. Under normal circumstances, I have no doubt that you would have been able to fix it; these weren't normal circumstances. I know it will be difficult at first, but you will adjust."

Severus turned to Lily. "Could you accept me like this?"

Lily gripped his hand tighter. "Of course, Severus. I care about _you_ – I always have. This doesn't change that."

Severus smiled. "I'm guessing we can't tell anyone?" he said, turning to Dumbledore.

"No, that wouldn't be wise."

He and Lily nodded. "So, what now?" Severus wondered.

"There are things we must talk about. We are facing dark times and we need people like you two on our side – but, that can wait for now. Until then, I just want you to live and be happy."

–

Severus and Lily walked hand in hand down the corridor. They spotted James walking in the opposite direction with several girls in toe.

"Do you think James will be okay?" Lily asked Severus.

"Dumbledore says he will – I just hope he realizes sooner rather than later what a good man he really is."

Lily smiled at him. "I'm glad I still have you." she said, stopping to wrap her arms around his neck.

Severus held her, a smile on his face. "Lily Evans," he said, his nose to hers. "I love you."

Her wide smile reached her eyes. "And I love you," she said, leaning in and kissing him.

* * *

><p>Please R&amp;R! :] If you have any comments or suggestions, feel free to let me know! I'm always looking to improve my stories.<p> 


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